Scribbles in the sand

2004-10-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

I can't stand this anymore.. theres just too many things happening all at one go. I hate this life at the very moment. I can't stand it.. i really can't anymore.. I thought I had everything under control.. I really thought i did..

I slammed down his phone today.. We've been trying so hard.. to talk things out.. but each time the conversation starts with a smile and we always end the phone in tears. Gawd, i swear I've never ever been like this before... Somehow something always make us quarrell.. and each quarell seems to be getting from bad to worse.. Its so not the right time to do this to me.. =(. I guess I've said some pretty hurful things too.. *sigh* I don't know.. I believe what i'm doing is right, but perhaps standing in his shoes may be another thing??? sigh .. I don't fucking know what to do anymore..

7 girls? *sigh* I don't know whats the others thinking, but I really don't have much to comment on this friendship of ours. Verbally assaulting each other doesn't and has never existed between us. They just keep their god damn fucking feelings inside and finally release out all at the same fucking time. I can't believe they'll do such things.. And really, if you don't wanna see whats inside a blog, then don't even come in!! I mean like, sure critisize us all you want, but can't you see that at least people are trying to work things out, INSTEAD of adding salt and sugar inside a friendship?? Whoever thats been posting in the tagboard, may god forgive you. *sigh*.. what a fuck up life man..

Penang.. this trip is going bonkers man.. with the girls having such misunderstanding with each other. From 16 of us, its down to 13 now. 2 girls are out, and with the condition between me n fabes like that.. I guess it's gonna be like that too.. Since when did things come down so wrong?? since when ?? I wished i had the answers.. ya' know? sighhh..Everything was so blissful at first.. sigh.. I'm just fucking miserable.. at the wrong fucking time too.. i seriously thought i had everything under control.. but each passing day it seems like more and more things are happening too!!!!!!!!! sighhhhhhhh.. =(

2004-10-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

Life's a funny thing. Just when you're comfortable being where n who you are, just when you think you got the game plan mastered, along comes something to throw you off your original target course, and leave you dazzled and dazed, wondering what the hell just happened.

Everything started off with a bliss, then someone starts messing up things... from boo to the fwens blog.. gawd.. this is just such a fucked up world man.. =O.. But heck, everything happens for a reason. And I believe, that this is just sumthing to sharpen muh prespectives on basically everything. =) Special special thanx to Robyn for checking things out.. you rock girl.. Thanks sooooo much!!!! I'm not entirely sure I wanna do that, but i'll work things out in no time ;) N thanx to the rest to check up on me man ya'll .. I'm fine, no worries.. Mel's bouncing back to r-e-a-l-i-t-y! =)

Peace people!!!!!!!!!! =) =) =)

2004-10-26T20:14:00.000+08:00

First: 31st May 2004
Second: 26th Sept 2004
Third : 25/26th Oct 2004

Tell me what these dates have in common and you'll get a prize.

2004-10-26T10:55:00.000+08:00

Life is so unpredictable.. Its no doubt I wished I could turn back time, having changed a lil' that happened in the past. I wished I didn't come across that damned blog. I wished things could've been the same again. But no... and maybe its better this way. All along I knew it was gonna be hard to keep a LDR... And sure, sometimes insecurities came in - but its only human. I mean I had pressure from all my friends- some asked me if I really wanted a LDR which was so hard to cope--without seeing each other and relying just on phone calls, text messages and stuff like that. Some even went to the extend of saying LDRs are fun--to play with. Its funny when you think about it that way... Anyhow.. All I gotta say is that .. Its not funny when someone just tries to .. two timed someone ya know? Mistakes can be forgiven, but if you get off the hook that easily... ? You tend to take things for granted the next time. And history will repeat itself. When you give me a flashback to the sweet memories we once had, a tear flows down automatically. But thats just emotions.... Thats just something that would be cured eventually. If there's something in life that I hate so badly.. it'll be LIES. especially when its coming out from someone that I love. I hate players that don't know the meaning of HURT okay..

As these years pass by... I find it sooo hard to turn to someone I can actually release out my anger and trust to. Its through experiences and time that I actually know who are really my true friends.. people that care not because they just wanna get some juicy gossip, but people that actually take the initiative, to get to know you and help you out. And I really thank God for these friends. I know thanking you guys profusely will never be enough... but I do hope that things will come out okay. But I do sincerely thank ya'll for the uncontinuous support n encouragement given lerr... thanks guys.. =)

2004-10-24T20:13:00.000+08:00

Another chapter of my life has just ended. We've temporary graduated from high school. And I do mean temporary coz we still gotta go back and sit fer the upcoming dreaded exam. =( Ahhh the feeling of dread comes in so naturally when I see myself not prepared enough for this exam. * Sigh.. *

Grad day started off with a bliss I supposed.. cameras were brought to school without hesitation by everyone ;) U could hear the dozen of "clicks" at almost every corner of the school. Around 9am, everyone gathered inside the hall chit-chatting away. Sitting with sze, terence, wen, eliane, ivy, fai, yc, lucinda, cheng leong, shou jun... countless laughter and voices were heard. Imagine.. when would there be another time that all of us could get together and talk like this?? Half way through when ms. lcd finally came * herm .. 3 hours later though!!!!! * :P , me n yc kept disturbing her with her "oh-so-bright-and-colourful" fingernails *sorry lu!! :P * Was kinda upset that the 7 of us didn't sit together and we only managed to take ONE pic together!!! Sigh.. There really wouldn't be any other chances where we could snap more pics as bo would be goin to NY for a holiday, wen n lu in NS and me in Aus. *sigh* But I definitely cherish every single thing we did together.. from our first time going to lagoon together till the endless laughter during recess. =) of coz... disturbing ivy and eliane was another fun thing I did!!! :P bwahaha.. sorry girls..!! Thinking back about the good times that i shared with everyone, kinda makes me regret for not putting in more initiative to strenghten the friendship we all shared. 5 years isn't really a short time. Gonna miss everyone soooooo much!!!! :O

At night, went all the way to Kelana Jaya for a class dinner. And boy.. was I ever shocked to see so many of my schoolmates in Telepon. The most I expected was like what.. 20 people?? But heck no! There was at least 50 of them there, including some outsiders. Everyone had a good time eating, and more snapping of pictures were done after that. All of us had a great time! From DELIBRATELY burning the food to trick lil' ol' me was done by Yaw Fu and Aik Wei to the snatching of food.. Man .. so gonna miss everyone!!! :O .. But i'm sure that I'll be able to spend some time with em after spm.. ;) Richard already gave all of us a date to meet up.. and I promise I'll try my best to make it kays?!!! ;) No sweat ;)

Went out with my cousins that came down from Kuantan yesterday and boy... they've been hearing so much things about me that I'm kinda.. well shocked! Words get around I guess ;) hehe but its okay.. after all .. they are my cousins ;) Couldn't really stay long coz I had to drive dad for dinner. ;O Speaking about driving.. today while driving dad back home from Atria, saw this group of teenagers that look awfullly famillier crossing the road.. horned them but they looked past me ?!! Later on Mich told me she thought it was sum kinda crazy driver horning.. *grrrr* heheh . ;)

2004-10-18T14:58:00.000+08:00

A simple note: just get outta my life could u ? thats all I'm asking.. Just get the hell out of it. I do not wish to disclose who the hell are you .. but just get out of my life and i'll get out of yours.

Recently I just realise how simple I have always been ? And how easily people take granted for it ? I find the saying really true " how good people don't always get what they want " ? Over the years i've just shrugged it off, not giving any other thoughts coz my motto has always been " forgive and forget " but now? I find that its getting harder and harder for me to do so as people tend to always take advantage over it. Its so true that people are expecting more from you in return as the years pass by. Being yourself just doesn't necessasary give you the power to judge things according to your feelings. It just doesn't give you the right anymore. Sometimes, being nasty to the extend does. I'm a civilized being, I would not do anything that would harm the other party mentally or physically. Emotionally perhaps. Who wouldn't? Sometimes we say things we regret but you just can't say sorrry bcoz a scar has already been formed-depending on the depthness of it, i'd say thats the time we gotta start worrying. I'm finding it so hard to actually learn how to trust, instead of just being suspicious over people i face everyday. *sigh* .. things are just not going on too good I suppose..

Mom's away to China and this has really been giving me the opportunity to go out-even at a crucial time like this. But this time around, I have to admit that I've spent the most time with dad in my whole of 17 years. We've been going out every night to practice my driving, and I have to say he's really great. Except the fact that he's telling me to 'slow down' all the time! :) Have been going out continuously with Duncan for 3 days.. woohoo.. he's such a sweet sweet brother of mine!!! =) He bought me a new mp3 player coz my ol' wan kinda conked out. =] And not to mention taking me out hunting for dress patterns for the prom..and even helping with the designing. Haha imagine-my brother, one of the most impatient persons I've ever known, spending "quality" time with his sister! I don't know.. just kinda make me glad ya know? To have been blessed with such a great family. =)

Mi--After reading your letter, I know what I gotta do. And I just gotta try tuh stay sharp ayt? Coz trust me, this is one battle that I don't wanna lose. Especially when things are getting so complicated now =( . I don't wanna do something i'll end up regretting for the rest of my life; and I shall not be the one to break our pledge =) thnx girl.. love yah loads! =)

2004-10-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

A Note to the party concern : DO NOT MESS WITH ME. And I MEAN wut I say..

2004-10-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

Have been having continuous arguments with both my parents over the past few days about petty lil' stuff.. Kinda gettin on to my nerves. But I know that I'm just being unreasonable and spoilt. *once again* sigh.. I don't know.. I always wants things to go to my way. So they decided to put me in a hostel even though we've got an apartment in Melb. Its hell silly to be paying another extra god knows how much for accomodation when I've already been provided with one. I'm just saying my side of view. I told them I'll be alright staying alone in the apartment, with Jonathan being around for several months more. After much time contemplating whether I'm "mature" enough to take care of myself, they finally agreed, even though they know the sight of Jon n me seeing each other are like cats and dogs. Don't get me wrong, I luv my bro dearly but sometimes.. our opinions are just..... different. I guess ma n pa are worried that I'll be doin all sorta "unusual, exceptional and extraordinary stuff" there that everything I do right now they'll tell me " You just don't know how to take care of yourself yet " Like wut the hell?!!! Just because I'm slacking a lil', by not washing my cup after drinking; I'm not cleaning up the mess I made after ransacking my room. So what? It doesn't mean I'm not responsible enough. I'll do it eventually. Am sooo sick with this nagging I'm getting 24/7. Dad's not all that bad, only he's still pretty disappointed that i'd rather stay here instead of furthering my studies in Aussie. He asked me if I'd like to stay here to study instead.. but I could see that he didn't want me to study here.. so I just said.. "nah, I've made up my mind" . Basically yes, I've made up my mind to study there.. but I guess I just don't wanna go there so early.. *sigh* On the other hand, mom's been giving me so much pressure it seems that all we do nowadays are argue, argue, argue. Sleeping means I'm showing no sign of being a " spm " student. Its stupid! I don't even get enough rest each day with her banging on my door checking if I'm studying or busy sms-ing away. I'm so sick of this treatment. As if I'm not giving myself enough pressure already! Sheesh!!! Sigh.. I guess I'm just going under loads of stress I tend to be over-reacting over petty matters. =(

Ahh... fabes baby gonna join us to Penang once again~! =) heheh glad you could make it dear ;) I'm happy coz the 5 other girls are going, though it won't be the same without bobo. =( and I'm more than happy coz he's going too =) Can't wait!!! I just pray n hope that there will be no arguments over there man.. >_<

2004-10-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

Fabes

2004-10-07T19:36:00.000+08:00

Miyan!

2004-10-05T10:55:00.000+08:00

A Message to a Dear Friend Which I have chosen not to be named.. but you should know who you are =)

Friends never give up on each other. No matter how bad one has done.. how deeply the scar you caused, friends are friends. I may not know what has happened to you and your best friend, I may not know anything at all, but the fact is, you've got us here to talk about it, 24/7. No matter how big the deal is, you still got us. And I mean it. Things may have chilled down a lil' while when you were absent, your prescence were missed... very much in fact. The group wasn't completed without you. You play an important part in all our lives, believe it or not. =)

The reasons why we told you those stuff, is cause we care loads about you. You're our friend. We just don't want you to walk to the wrong path, we don't wanna see you down to the dumps and having no one to turn to. No 17 year ol' kiddo has gone through as much as you have, and frankly, you're matured beyond our years. I just hope you know what you're thinking and doing lerr.. B'coz one wrong step, could be fatal. Whatever it is, I can't say 100% that all of us would support you b'coz I dun know what other people are thinking, but do look for us every now and then.. even though if its just to catch up ler.. Trust me, your prescence is missed.. in all of us. The melodious laughter of yours alwiz rings our heads and that perky voice of yours is really missed. We want you back.

2004-10-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

Bo0o!!

Ahh I see alot of my classmates are getting really into blogs again huh! :P Awww and I don't blame em.. its pretty addictive! =) So SPM is less than 30 days away!! Whoops, 'scuse me, but mine's in 2 days time. =) Although its just Art.. but the questions given were NOT easy. hahaha and this time around? I don't think I'll be allowed to have anyone helping me! =P

Well, ya know.. its only lately till I realise how much people can change for a person. =) It may be for the better, or even for the worse. And I think I've changed. =p haha I find myself expressing a lil' more.. just a lil'. And I find myself very in luv with this special guy ! ;) A special guy that has seem to really give me the courage to do loads of stuff.. a really special guy that seems to know what he's telling me .. a special guy that's so sweet and good with words that he's melting me 24/7 . A very special guy thats created such a deep impact in my life its gonna be hard to imagine life without hearing from him in a few months time. =( *sigh* And to think that he'll actually be coming down to KL to work!!!!!!!! argh!!! Talk about bad luck!!!!!! =( Sigh .. but Dad has already given me the permission .. to come home anytime I wish!!! hahah ;) Good ol' dad.

I've been having loooong discussions with mom.. about practically everything! From studies to friendship to him and yes, to a huge extend of a certain teacher i dislike. Haha mom's such a sport. She's just telling me to bend the rules a lil'.. besides.. in two weeks time I won't be seeing her anymore anyway! *cheers* But... thats it. The last chapter of my secondary school life. It'll be the last time I'll be wearing a school uniform to a school. The last time I'll be seen wearing school shoes. The last time I'll be stepping my feet into a school filled with so many ridiculous rules!!!! And perhaps, it may even be the last time I'll be seeing a lot of people. =( Now thats sad. I can't believe that this 5 years pass by in such a blink of an eye! Trials and tribulations has been gone throughout these years man.. . From the haunted house in F1--which caused a massive mess at the end, but also the best earned stall ;) That has definitely been the best experienced of organising something so big, with so much help from so many people in order to make the event a success. =) And in F2.. the trips with muh crazy gang of people.. sadly.. loads of em have gone their seperated ways. But heck, memories still remain fresh in my mind! One word describes F2--Unforgetable. =) With the bits of all F3, F4, and f5--I would say that this was a year filled with...... hmm.. learning, forgiving and understanding. =) Definitely lessons learnt that could never be taught by teachers. =)

* . . . Prom . . . * Well! Seems that the response from our school mates are not very good. =( Its funny actually. You see other schools being sooo enthusiatic with theirs yet our school shows no sign of it. Its actually a big disappointment. Some say its a waste of money, some even say that it'll be boring. But has anyone ever beared in mind.. that, this prom, could be the very FIRST and LAST time the science classes and arts classes would actually be spending time together? How many times is it do we get to organise something so big, filled with moments to remember- for all of us? How many times is it that there's finally be no dividers between science classes and arts classes? How many times.. do we actually get to dress up, just for the fun of it. I guess some of em may have arranged their classtrips beforehand, due to the oh-I'm-in-your-way NS. I guess thats pretty much acceptable. But still.. :O .. Sigh..

Newei.. if anyone's interested.. Feel free to drop by our prom webpage, though its not fully set up yet. =) www.freewebs.com/chspromnite2004

*Cheers*!!~~

2004-09-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm sick and tired of relying on people too much.
I'm sick and tired of waiting for people to come to their senses.
I'm just sick and tired of everything man .
I'm about to explode.
This just ain't good.

One minute I'm feeling great, the next minute things just start stumbling to loads of pieces. School's a great place to feel at ease--with that 3 chicks around me. ;) Nonstop laughter can be heard throughout the whole day. So today was about hands, fingers..... ;) *winkz* It was great! Man.. gonna miss all of these happy moments when I'm in Aus.

Aw shucks. Thinking about it just makes me ... I don't know. Tensed? Nervous? Worried? Excited? Enthusiatic? I don't know.. Dad just said this " You're allowed to come back once every month " I exclaimed " Once every month?! " Hahah thats a total of 12 trips to and fro-- WOW. But heyy.. I know that won't happened! Besides.. we don't have holidays every month!! ;( Dad brought home a huge purple soft toy for me--First time! And this soft toy giggles everytime u press a button. Funny.. but I never really liked soft toys to begin with. But guess its the thought that counts! Besides.. for Dad to be giving me this.. is a very very very Sweet n thoughtful gesture....I should be happy! but rite now? I just don't feel like laughing. I don't even feel like smiling.

Sometimes I wished I had some frank answers from people I seeked advices from. But all I get are just jokes. Hey.. a joke every now and then could be bloody fun.. but when I'm down to serious matters? Don't joke with me.. especially not with sensitive issues ! I'm amazed at how selfish people can be sometimes or rather.. how insensitive!

Its true i'm damn bloody fed up with people's actions. Why can't they just act and be a little bit more responsible with their own bloody actions man! Why can't things just be a lil' more simple? =(

Reality Bites

2004-09-26T17:30:00.000+08:00

its true you can't judge people by their appearances. sometimes, they are the people that will be around you the most when you need them =) * Just a special thanx! * O yea.. and thanx Adam for trying to change the CD =) Owe u one, "dear uncle"!! bwahaha

I'm pretty much okay with going to Aus.. though I wasn't hoping on going so early .. But heyyy .. Reality bites. And I know I've been a bitch by groaning and taking things for granted * once again *. Ranting and whining over things won't bring me anywhere.. ;) And I should be thankful that i'm entitled to study abroad! =O But hell, am I gonna miss everything here!!!! =O . muh family, friends, him...... o boy .. :O . thats more than what can make me =( .. but heyy .. every dark cloud has its silver lining .. and this is definitely NOT a bad matter!!!! =)

Dad's back and I've talked to him about this education issue .. Mom asked me what was I feeling honestly. I didn't really answer that question.. partially I just ignored it. Typical of me. I never really like talking about my feelings.. whether or not it is to someone that's so close to me or whatever. Sure, I pen down a lot. And seems that the diary between me and Sumei works for a reason too ;) Not to mention this blog. But when emotions are concern, to people I may seem as if I'm as hard as a rock but the truth is I'm as tame as a pussycat.( N why do u think I'm called meow?! :P And note to Lucinda and Michelle: NOT a wild p****!! bwahaha ) Dad reckons it'll do me good.. and I'll have no problem settling down there. Just hope so too. =O . I'll be going with Dad and maybe Mom to Aus.. they'll help me settle down stuff and I'm still not sure whether i'll be staying in the apartment or maybe even in the hostel, where food and drinks are already well prepared of. Ahh hope not!!!! Definitely prefer muh own privacy! ;) Dad would probably talk to Uncle Richard and give him specific infomations to keep an eye on me. N I think Jonny would still be there for several months. Just hope that we won't fight like cats and dogs like we usually do. Oh well .. hahah the thoughts of making and breaking my own rules still have a slim chance of coming true!! bwahhahah .. N yes, Shen, I'd remember the promise we've made.. even after two years. PROVIDED you remember my deal too!!! bwahahaha aw shiat, I'm sounding like a biatch again.

hahah and to my dear miyan .. better take care of yourself ayt babe!!!! things are gettin' wild there!!!!!! Drop that conservative image man girl! Miss you loadssss!!!!!!!!! Do tell Mr. Derok to be careful .. or else!! he'll be.. mentally challenge!! bwahahahah!!!

2004-09-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

Appointment to meet Ms. Catherine Tay was set. And I went right on time at 5pm. The appointment only started at approximately 5.25pm. *Typical Malaysians* The meeting went pretty well I guess.... I mean I already knew what I had to know.. EXCEPT for one BIG thing: I needed requirements of Add Maths. Which is something, I highly did not expect in the first place.

Which leads to : Early departure to Aus and early farewell too!! =( BY the 10th of January 2004. O man.. courses for Add Maths starts on the 10th, which probably means I'll be there even before the 10th!!!! An extension of 5 weeks early means 5 weeks depriving me away from my stay in Malaysia. *sobs* Upon hearing that tears actually gathered around the corners of my eyes?? like dang.. I was all set n ready for the 16th of February---the time courses really started. Doesn't help when I've passed the aggregate of 24. Now I wished I didn't . =( Sighhhh.. Although I didn't have my forecasts yet.. but she told me with my grades it was definitely a "no problemo" getting me a place in Trinity College. I might have written a great essay for 1119 on given the choice to study locally or abroad; but at this moment? I don't think I'm feeling what I actually felt when I was writing the essay. *sighs*

I told Fabian about it straight after the meeting .. His replies just made me wanna cry all over again. =( Sigh .. I don't wanna go so soon b.. I really don't.. =( really gotta thank you for cheering me up when i'm soo down.. Sweetest guy ever award definitely goes to you =) You're the best b.. *sighs* and yea.. I'll definitely try to be there kay.. after spm.. Will try to con ma & pa to let me go there. *just pray that they'll let me go ayt b?!* I dun wanna leave so soon!!!!!!!!!!!! =( Sigh!!!!!!!!!

I know this seems bad, but part of me actually wished that I didn't make the aggregate to go in man.. =( mom kept saying that it'll widen my prespectives, my knowledge and my thinking. And I know it will.. but I guess my heart remains here. =( Even Jonny enjoyed it and he has definitely became more independent. *sigh* just hops that everything will eventually fall into pieces....... but I know I'll definitely definitely definitely miss my family, my dear friends and him!!! *sigh*!!!!! Imagine!!!!!! 10th of January is actually .. less then 84 days from now! Arggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid add maths.. curse on you!!!!!!!!!!! =(

2004-09-20T19:04:00.000+08:00

TRINITY COLLEGE ENTRANCE ( Academic )
Entry Requirements
English Proficiency: Normally IELTS Band 6 overall or TOEFL 550 (Computer TOEFL 213). Applicants who do not meet this requirement may require intensive English preparation. English proficiency is crucial to a student’s ability to achieve full potential in Trinity Foundation Studies and at university

Malaysia
SPM: 6 passes with aggregate of 24 or less
UEC: Completion of Senior Middle 2, 75% average

The selected subjects are to be excluded: Bahasa Malaysia, Bahasa Cina, Moral and History.

Like wut the hell laa... my best subjects are not even considered?!!!!! Sheesssh!!! So I have to wait for my forecast to be out first.. to apply for the February Intake, which starts on the 16th. *sighs*. Right now I'm kinda feeling mutual about it, hell... I'm gonna miss everyone here heaps especially those close ones and him of course!!!! Basically its probably coz I've more or less accepted it anyway. But still..... Ahh.. now's definitely NOT the time to get emotional or sentimental!

Omg!! so the Penang trip is going on g-r-e-a-t!! And he's coming along!!! O la la!!! Now thats something I'm definitely looking forward to!!! But I guess its becoming more and more like a couple's trip huh? :O Don't worry gals... * Jiuan, Eliane n Suet * we're not gonna make any of u left out!!!!! Thats for SURE!!!!!! =] haha Friends are just as important babes!!!!!! =) Just can't wait to spend time with my best friends and him!!!!! =) Bring out the cameras baby! ;) *winks*

Neweizz.. gotta run now!!! Mwaks!

2004-09-18T14:06:00.000+08:00

So I'm blessed with the world's best friends and the world's sweetest guy.. what else could a girl want? *winkz* Its a great weekend! And thank god trials are over. =)

Went for a christian dance concert yesterday night with Jess Tan.. Didn't really understand those dances so ended up going off early to Bangsar for supper.. Red Chamber rox!!! Wakaka luv the food there and of coz the Lil' Red Ruby!~*yummy!!!* Met up with a few friends and headed back around 12. Was soooo tired the whole day coz I didn't get to rest at all . :O . Felt so bad coz I forgotten bout my dear cuz's bday on the 14th. And she's muh closest cuz! But bought her something anyway. My cash is going away fast this month. Man... you go out with 200, and you come home with a ten note. Sheesh...~!

So things are great with us once again :) So glad everything has returned to normal. Oops! I mean strenghtened too!! He's such a sweet guy ... Mmmm...... special thnx to Usher too huh? =) I know he's not gonna be here with me 24/7 with the distance so far away .. but his prescence would alwiz be here with me!! =) And I promise I'll be more understanding over matters and less demanding. =)

* . . . Bo . . . * can't make it to the Penang trip now. Dang..~! And I thought the 7 of us could spend loads of time together after SPM! =( Oh well.. Everything has a reason for happening. Her prescence would alwiz be with us, thats for sure!!!!! =)

Life is great!

2004-09-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

I hate the way I'm feeling right now. It just doesn't feel right to be feeling this way. =( Whatever it is, I hope we resolve this soon. I do remember your words clearly.... To expect the best and prepare for the worse. After hearing your side of the story, I just feel selfish to be feeling this way all along. I'm not perfect--Nobody is. I guess I never really thought what would I think if I were in your shoes.... and I'm sorry. Every relationship, LDR or not,n needs understanding, love, loyalty and trust. I haven't been suspicious over you all along--you know I let you lead your own life. I don't control because I trust you. And I know you know your limits and you abide to them.

After hearing what you had to say for the past few days, I know I'm not always beside you physically but I'm always here to listen. You may whine and groan all you want, I don't mind. I never 'count' bout the bad things or keep them inside my heart just so I can blast you off. I learn to forget all about it cause dwelling on the past to control the future is definitely the worse a person could do. I never ever dream that I'll become a pessimistic, and I won't ; simply because I don't think there's a point doing so.

Building up trust takes time. It doens't just come because you want it to or rather, a blink of an eye. It may take up days, weeks, months or even years to build up a solid trust. But I do believe that if you've got a will, there's definitely a way to do so. Its simply up to you---whether or not to trust once again. There won't be any force, just upon your wishes. Whatever it is, I'll promise to accept it rationally, with no hard feelings.

I've learnt---Our future lies in our hands, not in the hands of others. Its us who play the part of controlling it. Its not the task of others to do so... And I've chosen- Not to let my feelings take over my actions, especially in a time like this. A VERY crucial time. Besides, its not the end of the world if something bad happens, its just something to wake u up realising your mistakes ; as dad said, its ok for us to make mistakes when we're young, not when we're old. Basically coz its a process of learning, and continue living. =) Being positive alwiz works.. ;)

Cheers!

2004-09-12T11:36:00.000+08:00

Its only till lately I've realised how important friendship is . Its through uniting the whole group only I've learnt that this group of gal friends of mine has a unique personality in each and everyone of em! I'm sorry for the times that i've neglected u guys, I'm sorry for the times I've take things for granted with ya'll and I'm sorry for not alwiz being with u guys. I promise I'll change, and I will . Spending time with ya'll is always the best, especially when everyone's being their usual selves. I've almost forgotten how much fun each "big" outing has been. and i'm sorry! :) I guess doing the f.R.i.E.n.D.s blog was the best thing I did huh ?! =)

Spending time with ya'll yesterday really was gr8, though few of u guys had to go off pretty early! And Ivy + Eliane ... M sorry for wutever bitchy actions that were taken against each other for the whole of these two years. =) Forgiving and Forgetting are the two important F's I've learnt, and thus, this has made a difference. Haha u guys already made a big impact in muh life too! N yep, u can count on spending more time after trials / spm! Thats fer sure!!!!!!!!!

Thnx nixxy for the post too ;) U're great! =) =) =) N shen n hw too!! =) Just can't wait till SPM finishes and its time fer us to partay all nite long!!!!!! ;) *hugs*!

2004-09-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

I've seeked for different opinions, different views. People has told me what they thought and I do appreciate them dearly for letting me know what they think. =) I really don't know what to do anymore. One minute, I'm given the door; the next minute, I'm given the biggest "welcome back" hug ever. Is it what "this" is all about? I often wonder, if what you're telling me is the truth; or are you just trying to give me explanations? If given the choice, I'd like to know what's going on. Tell me straight to my face, I rather you be frank n direct to me than twist your words around, making me put the pieces together to understand what you're trying to really tell me. I don't like to make jigsaw puzzles, neither do I like solving maths problem. U know me well enough that I suck at doing those. So why can't u just tell me straight? What you really want.. All I'm asking for is the truth.. Where is this bringing us?

*special thanks to the following :
Fu Shen- for being one of the people to snap me back to reality
Hau Wen- for giving constant advice
Miyan- for always being here to listen
Wan Wen- for widening my thinking, letting me think outside the box
Nix Sun- for that support ( n the lolly! )

Here I am, thinking that after a small dilemma I'd be able to be friends with him again. Was I ever wrong. He doesn't understand when I tell him a simple " no " . He doesn't understand when I tell him " I'm taken " . Neither does he understand, when I tell him " friends are much more important 2 me ". All he does is think in that small aspect : Satisfying his own needs before he regrets doing something he was supposed to do so. All I have to say is that .. A girl's patience has its limits. We're friends, and thats final. Nothing more, and nothing less. I don't want to sound so mean, but when times like this are concern, if you don't understand simple words, I guess I'll have to show u the door.. And I'm sorry if I do so, coz my patience level seems to be thinning. Call me selfish, call me ignorant, but thats the only thing I can do to snap you back to reality. And its a big turn off when you start telling me how many days has it been since you last saw me, it makes me feel as if I'm being ... stalked.

Jo and Josh made it safely back to NZ. * M sure u guys would settle down in no time! * especially with Jo's bubbly personality + great looks ayt? ;) Thanx so much for the call wishing me luck for trials. =) The next time u guys come back, dinner's on me kays!! *hugs*

Gotta scoot now. =) I hear my books calling me once again *groans*

2004-09-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. I know I'm not being the very best gf, especially when feelings are involved. I'm not and have never been the type to express out much. I'm not shy, guess I'm just not those sentimental type. I should have expressed out anger instead of keeping it to myself. I should've been jealous and I should have told u off, but I guess I didn't. I just kept quiet and shut my mouth. I shouldn't have done that. And that pissed u off. M so sorry.. Sometimes I just don't know what to say or rather, what to react. I don't want you to think I'm controlling, neither do I want you to think that I'm playing. Coz I'm definately not! I don't want to go overboard, but I don't express out much is because I trust you. I trust that you know your limits. How was I to react when you told me stuff that no bf or gf would like to hear? I know I should've gotten angry but I guess I held it back. We've already gone through this once, and I don't wish for this to happen once again... and I promise.. I'll tell you what I think. I do care 4 u baby , and its no fun getting a no-response reaction from your gf. I promise I'll tell.. and I will.

2004-08-30T13:17:00.000+08:00

" Mom.. if I were to go to Aus, when would I be going? " "Maybe in December or early January? Depends on what course you're taking..." Ahhh... that really dampen my moods enuf. I can't believe that less in 150 days I'd be on my own, setting my own rules--no curfews, no rules to abide, no nagging... seems like the ultimate dream come true, but why do I feel so down?! =( Guess I wished I could've spent more time with friends and family... Do things that I wanted to do for a longggg time and keep the relationship alive.

He's been really sweet. Talked to him yesterday night and he really gave me loads of strenght and encouragement. *thankx baby* He never fails to cheer me up and he's feeding so much positive thoughts into my mind that I can feel my spirits being lit up. I've came close to almost giving up hope, despite having all the time to study; but he brought me up, words can't express the gratitude I feel towards him, coz not only is he my boyfriend, but also a friend that gives me constant encouragement to achive my dreams, making it to reality. I guess sometimes I really disappoint him in loads of aspects, but give me time, and i'm really sorry about disappointing you. Just dropping a word of thankx baby.. You're the best. =) luv u dear..

2004-08-27T14:00:00.000+08:00

Baby .. u gotta learn to trust me and i won't two timed u oraits.. I already promised that I won't do that.. and I won't. Have faith in me and let yourself judge me according to the trust that you have in me, and I'll do the same. I don't care if you go out with other girls, just as long as you know your limits and I'll do the same.I know I gave u the wrong answer the other day when u told me what u wanted, I know I did. And I guess my answer upset you. But I just thought that it was what u wished for, I never did know you were just trying to test the waters of the relationship. * I'm sorry baby *

Yesterday-26th of August was ma's birthday. Fabes wished her happy birthday and they actually talked for a solid few minutes on the phone! Mom was pretty suprised to hear his voice and they actually chit-chatted for what seems like ages. I was worried that Fabes would've said something wrong.. but he didn't . =) Later on, mom and I had a talk in my room. She told me she likes Fabes a lot, and he's really got a lot of courage to actually wish my mom Happy Birthday despite being so far away, and yes, her daughter's boyfriend.

Of course, yesterday was also the day whereby all the 17 years olds were busy texting, calling and checking for the latest news---NS. Calls were made in and out of my phone. Handphones ringing every few seconds started pissing mom off. Mmm.. a few of my closest friends got chosen and they aren't very happy about it. I know I definitely wouldn't. At ard 1700, I basically receieved and sent out more than 200 text messages alone to friends. Kept having to clear my outbox. This morning, 1045, bear bear called to tell me she got chosen. Ahh.. 2 members of our logy gang got chosen. Yikess..! Neweiz, I'm not too happy either. When I found out I wasn't chosen, I called ma and pa returned my call saying " Okay, we'll discuss your education tonite" . I know I should be thankful, I really know I should be. But dad's really leaving me no choice but to go to Aussie to study nx year. *sigh* I don't know. I just feel that I'm not prepared. And I still don't know what courses am I gonna major in. I just wish an answer would come to me. Ruben has been tellin me to take up A Levels first, leaving me plenty of time to decide. But dad wants the answer now. =( Sigh .. I just am so not prepared to go overseas yet!!!!!! And to think that I won't be seeing everyone here just seem to dampen my moods even more. And him!!! What am I gonna do!!!!!! I mean even though we're already having a LDR at the very moment, but still!!!! Sigh .. Mom was trying to console me telling me that I'll be able to come home to Malaysia every break I have, but that really isn't the point!!! Sigh .. I don't know.. To make matters worse, I'm embaressed to say that I can't even get any studying down! Not even my strongest subject seems to be absorbing into my brain this time. I'm so afraid that i'm going to flunk my trials man. I really don't want that to happen. And I can't let that from happening. Pls bless me .. *sigh*

2004-08-22T19:55:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. yesterday nite went to watch PCK with ww,ys,bo, jx n kam. *sorry de other couldn't make it!* Wuz held in pan pacific hotel.. didn't know that it was a private function. dad's company sponsored it ;) Didn't know pck was such a great singer. Had a chance to take pics n talked to him personally and jx, kam, ww and ys got his autograph as well. =) Though we were just entertained a short period, I have to admit that it has been the utmost relaxing time I had. I'm sure all that went agrees with me. I'm glad I went. I turned dad down soooo many times when he asked me to go. That was until he said I could ask my friends! :P And i'm glad I didn't turn down the opportunity to do so. =) Wuz just fantastic. Later on de whole bunch of us went to Ming Tien. Even ma and pa followed together with my two aunts. Went in jx's car along with kam n bo while ww and ys were in another car. Ended up ys overshot and couldn't get back to tmn megah so there were only the four of us. :O

Texted with Ruben the whole day and I even sent a wrong message to fabes! No reply from him though.. he didn't even contact me the whole of yesterday! That was until today I found out that someone messed up his puk code! :O . Talked to him on the phone and I can't believe I even had insecurities before!! he's just the sweetest guy ever and I really love his open mindedness. ( Is there even such a word? ) I have to admit that i think this is prob the first time I'm putting my all into a relationship. =) I just hope whatever I'm doing is right . =) haha guess I really know whats it like to be truely in love.. =) wilson n de rest has been teasing me 24/7 but I don't really care. Just tend to miss him everytime someone mentions his name! :( Ahhh .. can't believe that he went back just so fast!!!!!!! =( I guess in love, there are loads of wins and losts. We were talkin about it and I can see that he's definitely gonna miss there loads if he ever comes down here. And even though part of me wants him down here more than anything.... I know its Home for him over there. And I definitely don't wanna take it away from him, thats for sure. *juz wish a miracle would come by fer us!!!! * Ahhh.. I am so in love with him at this very moment man!!! :( hahaha he even said he wanna wish "mom" happy birthday! Lol. He is such a crazy nut. A nut that I'm deeply in love at this very moment! grrrrr.. :P

Sumei's leaving on tuesday! :( Sigh .. m gonna have lunch with her n liz in bangsar tmr right after tuition. And i didn't even spend much time with her this time!!!!! =( Sigh .. spm's playing with my life man. Miyan's prob still in the airplane on her way to the US. I know she was in a nervous break down when we texted yesterday and man .. I wouldn't blame her! Going somewhere so far away from home with no one there! Now.. thats a lil' scary. Kinda reminds me of our literacture " Si Tenggang's Homecoming " . And I can't believe that in less than a 120 days I won't be in Malaysia too!! That is, if I don't get picked for NS. O man .. Its like .. so terrifying thinking about it. I'll be staying on my OWN. I mean, its cool not having curfews and you can actually make your own rules. But come to think about it, I'd probably have to do loads of things on my own.I also know I'd probably get to appreciate and understand that I've been taking things for granted at home. Even right at this very moment, I know I have a lot of privelleges, just that I take them for granted! I guess its normal for humans. We're just too spoilt. We take notice upon our bad luck, but never thank in return for the good luck that bestows upon us. Typical homosapiens. :O

2004-08-18T10:53:00.000+08:00

" Love is like the wind .. you can't see it , but you can feel it " These few days with him has been the best times i've spent. At this very moment, he's in the cab goin to KLIA. Dang it .. This feelin' hasn't been here before and I really feel like breakin down. =( Gonna miss him so so so much!!!! =( Sigh .. time really flies like a bullet when I'm with him. =( I'm really not those emotional type of person but this time I guess love really had a way to 'tame' my heart this time huh? Arggh... can't believe he's gone!!!!!!!!!!!! =( ='( * missing you already baby *

Miyan's goin to the US for a year!!! O man!!! Now this chiq's gonna be someone I'm gonna miss as well!! *sighs* seems that everyone close to me is goin some place huh.. Su's gonna go back to UK soon too~ Texted with miyan yesterday nite and she's really the ultimate best friend one could have. Find myself confiding everything to her . She's leaving to US on sunday~~ will try to call her before she leaves man.. Could be a looooooong time before the two of us would be able to talk again! Dang . :O . * so gonna miss u babe! *

Newei, I told mom bout me and fabes already. Haha i know I was gonna put it off to sometime but I guess I just told her newei. She likes him but she wants me to make sure I know what are my priorities at the very moment. I promised her I'll remember them and stick to em! Ma even asked me whats up with Will.. i just told her that he's being a big turn off. It's bringing back memories that I rather not disclose, let alone bringing em back to life. Ma's been advising me to do the right thing and I hope I'm doing it correctly. Its definitely gonna jeopardize the friendship between me and him but I guess its better this way huh.. Sigh I don't know.

Trials are coming and I don't even have the face to say that i've NOT started studying at all!! Let alone the heart to study. I know this upcoming trials are gonna be the hardest test and probably the very begining of my nightmare. =( Argh.. I gotta snap back to reality as miyan said! Everyone is probably cracking their heads with all the subjects even egg! he and the gang does not believe it when i said i have yet started. Even willy! C'mon willy .. u know what i've been busy with ayt!! =o sigh.. O well .. this sat nite's gonna be the last time I'm going out till a very long time! And argggh.. I miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

2004-08-16T19:49:00.000+08:00

This has gotta be muh day *grins widely*
Fabes is here :P He came over to muh house n watched A walk To remember. Great movie :P newei, he met up with mom .And MAN... he set such a great impression to her!!!! We were actually trying to get a taxi for him but there weren't ne taxis and he said he didn't wanna meet muh parents just yet. But at that very moment, mom came back and he bounced up the massage chair, introduced himself and asked how was she n such. He even tried to talk to mom. Later on went to bangsar with mom and just as i tot, mom bombarded me with heaps of questions bout Fabes. She even asked why wasn't I after him?!!! That shocked me. That really did. If only she knew... if only she knew.. :P Even though me and mom are close, I wasn't prepared to tell her about this yet. My mom's so cool man.. =) Neweis, I told Fabes about it and we both breath a sigh of relief. Green light now =) I'm having such a great time with him and i can't believe that ....He's leaving soon........ =( =( =( Will be meeting up with him tomorrow again.. still don't know where will we be going yet though. Sigh.. can't believe its so fast!!! At least he's comin down again nx month! Sigh.... ='( Gonna miss him sooooo much.

2004-08-13T18:14:00.000+08:00

Well .. these days been pretty busy with our class notice board and trust me, my room ain't in a stake where its presentable man! This time our class's aiming to win .. Well pretty much so.. with all the effort put in ... I don't know.. Am not very sure we'll even make it 2 the top 5 list. Though I love designing n stuff.. sometimes its just no fun to decorate something so big.. ya noe ? Anyway .. School's been pretty dull. While muh classmates are busy practicing Jalur Gemilang and Keranamu Malaysia, me, vee, ebee and wen are stuck in class doing the notice board. :O *sad ain't it?! *

Hahahah bo and the gang reckons I've been in a fantastic mood these days.. hehe well.. why not?!! He'll be here tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) *grins widely* Can't wait to see him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) Might go and meet up with him before he goes to his aunt's house as his dear aunt spoilt our plans for tmr! :( Luckily TY didn't get the tix fer me yet .. =O . Oh well .. I'll still be spending time with him for 3 consecutive days!!!!!!!! =) =) =) Alrites.. I better stop before i get a bit overboard ! =P I know its wrong to be so involved especially with the dear ol' dreaded exam is less den 100 days away, but I guess I really can't help it this time. And I've fallen .. hard. =o Just can't wait to see him =) Can't hide muh enthusiasm this time I guess =)

Other than that.. the prom's currently a hot topic in class.. From " who will u be bringing " to " what do you think about him/her wearing a suit, dress?!!! " Some has been thinking and asking how does a prom take place and such .. All i have to say is this : Our prom will be great ! =) =) Have confidence in the committee and I'm pretty sure you won't regret it! There are loads of experienced people inside there, and I have to place muh hat down as there are lots of things I did not foresee. Its definitely an eye opener. I'm pretty sure it'll be a fantastic and memorable nite fer everyone there =) Enough about that, before I leak out too much and have rob skinning me alive =)

I just can't wait till tmr .. la la la~~~~~~~~~~~ =)

2004-08-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

School sucked today. Muh head was spinning so badly man. =( But m pretty much okays now =) Ri asked me a stupid question today .. he asked if i took drugs.. aw man, dang it. No way man! Wonder wut made him think that I'd take drugs? Its stupid man!! outrages. :O . Dun mind me, but I just think that its stupid to do so. Anyway.. this'll be a short blog I suppose..

Would just like to express muh gratitude to shen .. he's been a great person! N thanx for the advices given.. I will keep em' in mind. He may seem very frank, but honestly... I think its a very rare quality you find in people nowadays.. He's downright honest ( to the core ! ) and it just makes him.. REAL u know? But don't worry kays.. I will tc of muhself.. no matter wut circumstances it is.. and wut the 'wind' brings, I WILL tc of muhself. I know a simple thankx wun mean much tuh yah.. but.. just thanx.. for being real, and a friend. =)

2004-08-08T11:50:00.000+08:00

Ahh I haven't been blogging over a week.. Lets see.. whats been up?! :P On friday went out with vince and the gang .. with josh around too. Its been ages since I last saw em! And I can't believe that vince actually labelled me as " wild , crazy and nuts " behind my back.. well to josh n de gang anyway. Josh's changed a lot.. i'm kinda dissapointed i have to say. From a well-liked , reputable guy to someone so distant and well .. just so not him. Sigh .. Oh well .. guess thats the way he choose. =( After that went shopping with mom ! Was sooooo tired after several hours of shopping.. actually went to bed at around 9+!!

Yesterday was a pretty productive I guess.. woke up and went for the Amali in PJ. To muh dismay, mong wasn't in the same place as me! Dang.. but sue was!! thank gosh .. the guy kept us entertained and I had to answer several questions.. after that it was the practical outside class. Within half hour or so we were done.. ;) So me n sue went to MV for lunch in kim gary. met tzi min and a few LM-ers over there. Did a lil' bit more shopping and met up with Jess. Shar paid fer the manicure we did. :P hehe jess was pretty shocked and questioned since when was i so close to shar! luvvvv spending time with em!! hehe kinda of a gurl's days out i guess .. ;) N just doin' those normal catching-up-with-each-others-lives talks. l8r on when we went to sub,while paying in the counter, suddenly this girl just said " hey you're melissa rite.. ? " I was kinda shocked. After a few minutes my brain registered this girl here.. Su Qun. She isn't studying anymore and man, has she changed!! haha even Sue had a hard time remembering her. Pretty lady now!!! After that met up with lou lou n san!

Nothing's much been happening .. cept that he'll be here in 5 days time!! *grins* haha stuff are getting on alrites with us minus the fuss and flops over stupid stuff. =) Can't wait tuh see him again!!! =p

2004-07-31T18:49:00.000+08:00

He's been really adorable and extremely sweet. He changed all the lyrics of the songs i liked and sang em out! :P keke Dang. It was seriously sweet..!!! Hate it when he's got full control over me. :P Anyway.. things started off great and then he told me something.. he started smoking some time back and was afraid to let me know... I don't mind.. I'm serious ;) Its normal for guys to start smoking.. Even though I'd prefer it if he didn't smoke, but I don't mind. As long as he knows what he's doing .. I don't have to ramble on and on nagging him to stop it coz we all know that each puff he takes is nearing him to death. I Don't wanna be too controlling. =] He spent like 15 minutes aplogizing though I told him I was alrite with it. =) * its okies dear :P *Mm .. could also hear his enthusiasm when he said he'll be here in two weeks time! :) Can't wait!!!!!

Apparently yesterday when I was absent, loads of stuff happened. From a murder of a gurl from 1B1 by her own father to Pn. Sandy retiring to Pn. Choo MS crying. Ahhh headlines were shown in The Star n the Malay Mail today. Its scary and tramatising seeing this news. Unbelievable. How could a father even kill his own flesh and blood? Sheesh .. we're truely living in a man-eat-man world. Its scary. Each and everyday u open the newspapers, you'll see headlines with either words associated with rape, murder, snatch thieves.... and the list goes on. Even Mr. Ang was telling mom about how unsafe Malaysia's becoming! He wasn't as grumpy as he was the other day and his spoken languages are actually pretty good! I guess the first impression he gave me was " Grumpy Old Man " . ahahha. Was reading in 17 mag how important first impressions are to a person and how girls tend to bitch about each other. I find it really true. ;)

Ne weis, I gotta scoot now. =p Gotta go shower n get ready!! going out for dinner!!! kekeke ;)

2004-07-28T15:28:00.000+08:00

You find street dancers all across the country, but not in Malaysia. Crowds gather to cheer and scream on top of their lungs for their favourite crew locked into battle with other formidable crews. With unbelievable raw talent, they demonstrate their explosive moves that devy gravity and spin like the tops of the rhythmic sounds of urban music. Ahh. Well, spent the weekend watching a couple of movies with josh n jo at home. ;) There was Honey, You've got Served and Troy. Its pretty good I muz admit. ;)

And yes, this makes the second day I'm skipping school for this week. :P Went for dinner with Su n family yesterday in The Ming Room. ;) Nice food, and yeah, her dad kept giving us both long "story-telling" times. And man.. each story gets more interesting than the other. =) Even though me n su are worlds apart I still feel connected to her. So she replied will's message as well.

Sigh .. about whatever thats revolving around me.. things just ain't bright. will's been bugging me 24/7 for the answer. I told him that I don't wanna begin anything. Its wrong. I should've just told him straight. He doesn't get it. And yeah.. its getting into my nerves. And fabes.. on the other hand.. is pressuring me! Its freaking me out man. The way he's saying things is as if he's proclaiming that I should follow him. And hello, I don't like it! He's been complaining almost everything about me and its really making me furious. He complaints about.. the way I talk.. he reckons the way i answer his questions are very indirect, and to make matters worse he actually mimicks the way I talk. Its helluva irritating man. Okay, so maybe sometimes I answer his questions a lil' way too.... indirect. But that still doesn't give him the right to mimick me! Sigh.. I don't know. I'm just feeling very pressured this month. And I hate it.. I relaly don't wanna get involve in any major arguments with him. But thats what we've been doing lately and each time we end our conversations with real awkward good nites. And I actually find myself apologizing the next morning. Maybe part of it could be my fault, as I'm not willing to open up too much. He's doing everything and telling me almost everything about him. I know its unfair but I guess it does take me awhile to trust someone. Sigh.. Whatever it is.. Anyway.. I think I've got some stuff that I have to take precautions on after these few days of constant arguing. I'm sick and tired of guys man. And I've got a feeling that Dunc is practically gonna cut my head off when he receieve this month's bill. I already bombed mine last month. But with so many messages comin in and out.. Its about an average that I send at least a hundred messages a day. I can't even think straight with so many things on my mind. And this sucks. I've gotta get a grip on my life.. before I repeat history. And damnit, I hate this. Argh..

Plus that damn fcuking art project! Gotta redo the damn bottle. everything's getting on my nerves man. Plus not attending school these few days showers me with a tonne of homework that I've gotta pass up tomorrow! :O . Damnit. Serves me right I guess. Ahh.. gonna go mv later to shop.. to release stress.. Even ah lap is getting on my stress level. I swear, if I didn't control myself, my temper would have probably gone hay-wire! Sigh. Damnit.

2004-07-23T19:26:00.000+08:00

I get very irritated easily these days. It has nothing to do with my surroundings. Its just me. I don't know whats up. I guess its just the common mood swings that teenagers get from time-to-time. And the fact that I have to pass up my art project on monday.. things don't look too good. I've finished almost everything.. but to my dismay.. there are certain stuff that I might have to re-do or re-edit. Maybe that might be the main reason I'm getting aggitated so easily, the pressure of touching up things that I once left is never tempting and its always discouraging. Especially when its something I don't have much interests in. So I suck at drawing yet I'm taking arts as a subject in school. =( Its actually pathetic especially when I have a teacher thats so buyers over certain students. But I guess this is reality where by everyone sets impressions on each other. And if you're lucky, or perhaps you go to a certain extend whereby you set a good impression, than you're off the hook. Its normal.

I hereby announce that I have friends that can be downright bitchy to the core. I do not hate nor loath them, I just dislike the fact that someone can be an angel in the outside and a real devil in the inside. As the saying goes " looks are deceiving " , I definitely find it downright true. I used to be a naive person, to trust people easily.. but as the years passes by.. i'm getting to understand, that trust doesn't come in easily. One may earn it easily, than betray it, and it will be gone forever or perhaps remained just as a faint memory. I shall not say who he/she is. I'd hope for the better out of them, not just because they do hurtful things to me every once awhile, but because they ought to know that being a two-faced person all the time won't get them well in life. Maybe it will. I'll never know. Anyway, I do understand that some people can never stand competition; they don't strive for the better, they just TALK in that real bitchy way trying to mess up our brains so that we'll be jealous of them. One thing I can tell you... It never works with me. Call me a cold heartless bitch, I don't give a damn. As i've said, I don' t care.

So today Ivy got pissed off at the history teacher, for calling her countless times today to answer questions. She was busy talking to Eliane and yeah.. she actually shouted to the teacher that she should call on me as I was talking to the others at the back. She actually moved to the place next to Yee Leng so that teacher could have a clearer look at me. All of us just shook our heads in disgust n disappointment, cause by moving, our history teacher actually gets a clearer look at everyone of us.. To satisfy her needs, the teacher did call upon me. haha it was alright. I manage to answer her questions, no sweat! But according to some reliable sources, the look of hate just shadowed over Ivy's face. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm disappointed at you. This may sound like a slap right to your face, and I'm sorry for being frank, but if friends are meant to be this way, I wouldn't wanna have enemies. On the contrary, Ivy's not entirely bad. She's a pretty good friend when she WANTS to be. I guess there will always be a certain limit in friendships when two people are too competitive or as people have exclaimed, when their personalities crash. I do admit that i'm not the best person around, I tend to get bossy every now and then, but I do know that I can be a damned bitch too if one steps on my tail. I guess everyone's thinking that I may hate Ivy.. no I don't. She's been a good friend every now and then, helping me out sometimes. And if this world was filled with hate.. our world won't be a nice place to live in ayt?! =]

Anyway, fabes got the 6600 already. Don't need to get it from Dunc. Save me all the trouble. Haven't really talked to him much though. well. We just talked for like a minute on the phone.. he's got a function to attend and he's late . My baby's alwiz a busy guy .. =p All the men in my life's been getting very busy. Its normal I don't see dad often, but Dunc too?! I haven't even seen him except a glimspe of him in the car just now when I was in will's car. Nor have i seen him for the past few days. And to imagine that we're living in the same roof?! Ha!

So I went out for a drink with will in Bangsar. He never brought that issue up nor did I. Was already feeling downright tired as I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Having a splitting headache as well. Later on, we went to MV n i watched him bowl. He pleaded me to bowl, but hell no. I was wearing a skirt and i had no socks with me! ( Haha just an excuse not to bowl.. I suck at it. =p ) All's been okay. I supposed. And yeah, I've got a big fat blue black on my right knee.. No thanks to laughin at Mak Kor's foolishness to get tricked by moi! =p Will always remain cheeky to the core at the end of every single passing day.... ;)

2004-07-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

PROCRASTINATION: Thats what I'm best at doing. And when I realise it, its actually too late. Didn't attend school today. Stayed home and did my art project from 830am onwards.. right up till 1030pm. Tiring. Managed to finish 7788 of it. The inspiration just came on when I woke up in the morning. And yeah .. fabes sold off his phone. He's got no phone at the moment, and to top things up, is credit has currently finished as well. Ahh.. Well.. hope the 'fire' would still be burning between us.

Anyway, its getting late and I better get going. Good nite bloggers! mwah!

2004-07-20T18:07:00.000+08:00

Fabes is selling off his phone tomorrow. Period. Until he comes down to KL whereby he'll buy Dunc's phone. Which means.. I won't get to talk to him until he comes down here. Fine... as if I care. Okay.. I'm lying. Damn.. why does he have to sell off his phone so fast larr.. :O .. Anyway.. I've been feeding thoughts to myself regarding him.. us.. about how LDRs relationships eventually won't work out. Well, excluding my parents of course. I mean its like ONE in every ten cases that the spark would actually remain.. Each and every passing day is bringing me closer to seeing him once again.. Yes, I can't wait and we're already planning where we'd like to go.. But these days I might actually be dreading it. Because I know I don't want my heart broken... once again. He's not the goody-two-shoes type that u can trust entirely. He's the wild type and interacting with people comes in naturally for him. But I have to say, that he's a pretty open guy. I told him I went out with Jason on Saturday, he was really cool about it. He said he doesn't mind if I go out with other guys, just as long as I know my boundaries and where he stands in my heart. Its hard to find a guy that'll trust you so much. I told him I didn't expect the same in return.. A girl's heart isn't that easy to mendle with let alone play around with. I know it was selfish of me to say that.. he's giving me all the freedom yet I'm restricting him from his. But he doesn't mind! He just replied saying " thats a way to show how much my girl cares for me ". I was never like this.. It was always the guy not being able to stand with my so-called 'over friendliness' with other guys. I guess as we grow up we learn more things.. more about our surroundings and more about the faces of other people. It makes us a different person from what we were at the very begining.

School's been fine.. Nothing much to talk about. Skipped accounts tuition today and went to OUG with yih shiou, wan wen, ang shiou, boon tatt and dennis. Had lunch with them, and man.. the Tong Shui was terrible. Extremely sweet!! Will never go back there again, thats for sure. After that wen and me wanted to go to popular.. unfortunately.. it was close due to stock arranging. Damn. So came back and went out with mom to withdraw some money as well as get some extra cardboard for the art project that I some sorta goofed up. Went to BC to get breakfast and this cute guy repairing the cashier caught my attention.. We exchanged smiles and he asked me my name. Hahaha caught a glance of his nametag, his name was Eric. I didn't tell him my name.. just said thnx, bye n happy checkin the counter problem!

So will has asked me the question.. I did not reply him yet.. but I really wanna tell him the truth.. At the meantime.. I know that this is definitely gonna stir up trouble between us. He might start hating me for the rest of his life or he could just block me forever. Same thing ayt? The easiest way to break it to him is telling him that LDRs don't work. But I do know one thing.. he'll eventually find out the truth. And second hand news would even stir up more trouble. So I have to confront him and tell him the truth. It will happen.. one of these days anyway. So he's been messaging me very often with his replies are less than a minute. Working out to be a pretty good finger exercise though :P

Ayt, I gotta go now. Got another tuition which I'm NOT planning to skip at 8! Have to go eat dinner now ;p

herm..

2004-07-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

*herm* well guess I haven't been blogging as often as I used to.. there is just a tendecy to be lazy nowadays.. =p so.. whats been up, one may ask.. Well .. I don't know! Michelle and Gus just went back today.. Ahh .... played cards with em from 6pm right up till 12 midnite! My fingers almost got bend playing with em! I know the cards did. Melodious laughter and shouts were heard all over the house with Michael losing almost 3/4 of the games we played. Guess its not bad for a first timer like me to score a few good points. =] Dad was actually encouraging me to play this time! He even gave us a few pointers. Let yourself control the game than the game controlling you. All of us picked up a few pointers from him. He's just muh good ol' dad. =p So we spent the whole of last night waiting oh-so-patiently for Mai Nee and Mai Lui. After that was on the phone with fabes. Mmm .. if its something i have to comment on.. I'd say that he's estatic to come down here again. But even though we've been getting to know each other better these days.. the original spark of a current relationship building seem to have.... dissapeared or somehow.. it just got lost. Don't get me wrong, I like this guy hell loads. I won't say love.. its too strong a word. I'm still in the mids of finding whats the true meaning of Love.. But I really can't judge it too soon. I can't judge him or his like-ness for me too soon either. So we may have said those tiny words that hold such huge meanings but then again.. words can be empty as well.. *sigh.. I don't know!* I promised I'd help him find a stable job here, I'd even promise him to do loads of things and Duncan's been my current victim of errands running for a guy i happen to like. I'm feeling guilty for seeking so much help from Dunc and I hate it when things get out of control.. cause his To-Do List for me seems to be getting longer day by day..he may express his gratitude and such.. but sometimes I just don't feel too good about it. :O * I'm sorry *

So today was guides last activity. We started off with the Bomb game first to wait for Ms. M's arrival. Next came the speeches from Ms. M, Lyn, Juine & Ru, and me. After that was the moment everyone had been waiting for : The results of the next committee. It was an extremely tough choice as all 4 candidates for the Pres post already held pres posts in other societies. As the results were announced.. we could all see the anxious faces awaiting for their names to be announced. All of us could see leadership qualities in all that has been chosen. Each post holds an equally important post as the rest. We really do hope that all of em would cooperate with each other this time. Haha of course.. us Form Fivers got into the mood of our " oh-respect-me-or-u-get-tortured " was on. Despite this being our last activity.. we made sure each one of us got our satisfaction. It was the unexpected Uniform check!! woohoo.. hehe Ms. M was calling me the evil mastermind when she heard about our punishments. Lyn, Wen and me were being really sarcastic and evil with the PLs. We started complaining that their scarfs were too straight, their uniforms were too big and the list goes on... =] Khoon, Miao and Yanru had to do the cockroach dance in front of everyone and all of us had a great laugh. =p So its the end of guides activities. Man.. sure gonna miss everyone hell loads. Each and everyone of the Logys as well!!!! plus the non logys as well lar of course!! hehe their uniqueness makes them perfect and I have to admit that I've spent some of my life's best moments with this bunch of people especially the form 5ers. ;) But all in all .. CONGRATS people!!!!!! Expect the unexpected!!!! :P

So today being Saturday.. was an outing day once again! :P After guides rushed home, showered and mom sent me to Tmn. Jaya's LRT station and off I was to klcc :P the lrt was packed and filled with people and I had a hard time adjusting myself cause there was this guy that had such stttrrrrong body ordour it was driving me nuts. I was already a distant away from him and he still smelt so bad and to top things up, there wasn't much room for me to manuever myself to another side. As the door opened when i reached the destination, I just fled out breathing a sigh of relief. Man. So met Jason and watched spidey! keke i know, I know, I'm kinda outdated.. so sue me. =p keke but it was an oraits day. Overall larr.. had a good time.

errrRr..

2004-07-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

Aloha!!! Well.. lets see... In a month's time he'll be here!!!!! =) =) =) I'm getting to understand and realise that I'm liking him much more each passing day. He doesn't show me his mood swings though .. and he's really really nice to me. So friends have been pointing out the obvious, but I still think that I should see how things go. He's asking me to help him find a job over here.. so he can spend his time here with me for the last few months that I'll be in Malaysia. I'm asking around, and yeah .. things don't really seem bright though. But I do believe as long as we've got hope.... =) everything would be alrite! At least, I pray so. I guess I really can't wait till he comes down here though .. =)

So last month's bill killed me. Duncan was nice enough to WARN me and made me promise that i won't repeat that performance once again. He even offered to get me that card to call~! =] Once again its alwiz big bro to the rescue. I'm thankful I've got him as my big bro.. always here to look after me and offer me advices!! And he's helping me out when fabes is here!! =] =] =] as long as our plans work properly though .. =o . Jonny would never help me in that way! he's been complaining to mom saying that I've been neglecting my studies by coming online!! like what the hell?! is a person suppose to stay glued to the books 24/7? I sure don't think so!!! Even though my performance in the academic side has never been satisfying, but I do know my limits on when I have to study and when to play!

So dad came back from hong kong yesterday.. man .. in my 17 years of my life, this is the first time my dad bought for me a present when he was away. Its the christian dior perfume.. Dior me, Dior me not. Suprises do happen I suppose. =)

My social life is back at pace i suppose.. nothing big though. Am just feeling like an outcast sometimes.. as if i'm not accepted in certain groups though they've been my friends for ages. They rock my life, but at certain aspects.. I just wished I had someone I could really rely to. Mentally and physically. Mom has alwiz been the one I confided loads of things I don't to friends.. but there are certain things that I just don't tell her. So I may tell her my insecurities with a certain guy or so.. she knows much. In fact, more than I thought I would reveal to her. So there are certain times as well that I'm not happy when she starts dissing my friends. I just confront her and tell her off. I know that hurts her but I can't stand to see her saying things that she's assuming.. which she often does. Oh well .. :O .. Gotta scoot now! Ms. Vasanthi is here edi! :O

2004-07-12T14:03:00.000+08:00

Aloha! Saturday was pretty oraits. Met up with Jason fer awhile in MV. He's utterly suspicious of me. Don't ask me why.. he just is. I mean perhaps it was the way that got the conversation going.. He's a nice guy, and very easy going. Haha was as if I knew him fer a certain period when we started talking. Yeah.. so after that mom chased me to go back home ( for some reason she's not too happy with me going out so often ) =( . Yeah.. had a short nap and went out for dinner after that.. Pretty much a not-so-productive day I suppose. Ahh and Jason asked me out fer a movie again the coming Saturday! Might consider going.. Not sure yet..

Sunday, on the other hand.. woke up and had tuition. ( Tuition sucks on sundays!) After that went to meet Sue in BSC and off we were to 1 utama. =) Went shopping! I'm deadly low in cash again. I gotta curb my expenditures man!!!! This is so not good.. =(

Today.. well .. being the usual boring mondays.. I don't see whats the point of going to school anymore when teachers themselves don't even come into classes. Its dead boring man. And have i mentioned that I have one of the world's most irritating teacher as my form teacher? Yes, she calls up parents CONFIRMING whether their children were absent from school. Like Damnit man. As if passing up the letters weren't enough! How can she be so .. irritating! So that spoils my plans. Nevermind... Bloody hell.. But I guess its time to come up with plan B. =(

Things with him are pretty okays I guess.. Nothing much to comment on though. Everything's getting boring here!!! =( Sigh.. countdown to a months time and he'll be here. yeah and I made a promise to muh baby..

I promised him that I will..
-start studying asap!!
-do well and don't let history repeat itself
-be a better person
-curb my spending!
-stop going out so often
-sort out my feelings
-wait for him to come down here!!!!!!!!!
-get some flats before he's here
-respect people's opinions
-don't get aggitated too easily
-smile!! =))

What The Fuck!

2004-07-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

What THE FUCK and WHO the fuck is messing around with my flooble box... trust me man, u're being cursed whoever it is. And I mean it. Fucker.. don't have a life using people's name? get a life man u biatcccch !! or bastard!!! Okay, sorry fer the above comment. M just pissed off at whichever biatch or bastard that's using my name in vain. Its kinda dumb u know.. NOT daring to SHOW their DAMN PIZZA FACE or NAME up, but using muh name, ur parents gave u a name, so for God's sake use it man u ass! :O .. ! But oraits, I'll keep muh cool man. Do whatever you want. =)

hahaha ooo just came back from mid valley with william.. had dinner and shopped around. =) So I met up with lulu and san~ keke and yes, I've got explanations to do ayt? :P We're just friends. I've made up my mind already anyway. And yeah .. looked fer calvin n jonathan as well... Nice people they are.. and its been ages since i last talked to cal! haha miss u heaps man!!!! and yeah ... I can't believe that muh best buddy Ms. Tan Su Mei did not tell me that she's back in KL!!!!! grrr.. heheh but yea, she texted me ;) hehe *welcome back gurl!!!!* miss her heaps!! keke can't wait to see her!!
So tmr I'm going to MV again .. to meet Jason .. ;) Hopefully everything will be oraits larr..

Ooo .. tmr's Election Day! hahah muh juniors are helluva worried aren't ya'll?!! hahah *all the best girls!!!* guides are gonna be at yr hands.. so take gd care of it yea! So its the end fer us f5-ers.. *sighs* .. m gonna miss guides.. m gonna miss de girls!!! n m gonna miss the campfires.. ahhh .. everything~~ =p played a big impact in muh life fer five solid years man .. ;p kinda sad to see everything come to an end.. ;) No more skipping classes using guides name! Aw *damn!* lol. =)

my my ..

2004-07-06T17:51:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. after certain few weeks of pressure and stress, we would've thought that its time to spend time to ourselves! But.. to muh dismay.. No.. I've been banged by the news that the dreaded exam is 118 days away, nearing us to hell. * Aw man.. * So the results are back.. I'd have to admit that i've improved hell loads, but.. comparing muh results to other ppl's... O my O my.. what a disgrace. So sue me if I'm kiasu or whatsoever. Ppl that do not study get high marks. Either they're blessed with the brilliance n luck, or I'm just plain dumb. Or maybe its cause cheating and getting away with it is OK for 'em to obtain high marks. ;) Its okay .. =) M sure everything would show at the end, whether or not we/they like it.

On the contrary, I'm quite happy. =) hehe things seems to be going on great! Well, except the fact that the art project kinda affected muh mood today. Man.. although I love crafts, I hate drawing n colouring man. I just suck at em. =( AND the fact that all muh pens runs out of ink at the same time, and rulers dissapearing everyday...Grrr.. I'm gonna put an end to these nonsense man. Jeeezz...

So Yaw Fu was telling the class about our class trip to Bali.. wooo!~ but No one's giving him the time of the day whenever he asks the class. We're just helluva ignorant bunch of people, not giving any coorperation to people. Haha I know how it feels, I've gone through that hell loads of times, and trust me man, the feeling just ain't good. But I doubt that I'll be going ler..

So.. either God's helping me or I'm filled with luck! Mom won't be in when he's coming down. Apparently she's got an annual retreat that she has to go! Woohoo!!! Heheh this is bad man .. I'm going overboad. So the plans are set. I'm so glad I've got great friends to help me out in these.. What would I do without them man.. :O .. *thanx heapsss yah!!* You guys are the best!!

2004-07-04T15:23:00.000+08:00

Everything's going on great at the moment!! M very happy =) hehe =D So thing's been pretty good at every aspect! =] Went out with the gang yesterday along with some other people to red box in sp to celebrate Bobo's birthday! =] its been aggggggeeeeeessss since I last went out with em! like fer... 7-8 months?! *smiles sheepishly* Sorry guys.. kekeke muh apologies. >_- I realised... that I've been missing out a lot of things not spending time with them. A lot of things has took a 180 degrees turn, whether its the way they speak, or the way they act, but i'm very glad that I'm still apart of everyone. =) Things may have changed, but m sure that putting in much more effort makes everything once as it has been. =) I miss this group of friends a lot. And I can't realise how dumb i've been cause these are the people that has been gummed with me throughout these 5 years or more! =p Nevertheless, I know I'm gonna miss everyone of em LOADDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSS when i'm abroad next year. *sigh* esp the girls! They've been the ones thats been there fer me everytime, whether good or bad. Gonna miss everyone heaps ..........

Yep, yesterday we interviewed the upcoming commitee fer guides. So the nominees for each post would be out tomorrow and they've gotta campaign against each other for the post. Man.... Can't believe that time passes sooooo freaking fast! It was just like yesterday us f5-ers had to go through that! This'll actually be muh last month in guides! =( Man.. Gonna miss the Logy gang heaps.. everyone of em! They've been the best! Countless fun we've had, and i've learnt loads of stuff from each n everyone of em. Man .. We'll probably not be so close anymore when we're outta guides coz we're not exactly in the same circle of friends. *sigh* But they'll alwiz be the greatest batch of people I've worked with. All the craziness in guides comes to an end I guess. :O . We used to joke bout when we wanna retire n stuff like that, but when the time actually comes... I guess all of us realised something'll be missing. =o Ah dang. All good things eventually comes to an end. But m sure we'll still be good friends in de future! =) haha will never forget the countless gossips I had with em.. All's been juicy!! =p

Things with him has been going on great!! We're getting closer each day but i'm still keeping a lil' to muhself. I've still got it in muh mind that LDRs are hard to keep track of, but I guess I really like this guy here. He's just one of the sweetest things ever ;) We can never seem to be able to get outta the phone though. =o He is just so sweet. :P So I'm heaps enthusiatic that he's coming down 'ere, even though its just a mere 5 days. =o Hahaha mmm can't wait!!!!

On the other hand, I've yet told him2 bout anything. He hasn't said anything yet though. I know its bad to be leading him on , but I swear I'm not. I just don't know how to tell him the honest truth. So maybe he's paying extra attention and always trying to get me to go out, but these have all become just an issue and sometimes I actually tend to feel irritated with him. I still appreciate him as a friend, but nothing more than that. I know if I don't tell him soon, each passing day it'll hurt more. I really have to gain the courage n tell him asap. Knowing him, he'll probably ignore me for the rest of his life. I guess?? I don't know.. :O .. Its been like.. what.. 7 months?? Mmm .. ahhh .. oh well . Maybe the feeling would go away one day..

2004-06-30T19:23:00.000+08:00

yoohoo!! exams are officially over!! WOOHOO!! sadly, there still isn't much atmosphere of us chsrians to be partying away. Well, perhaps its cause we're all still in a daze; or perhaps we're just waiting anxiously fer the results to come out. Though I know I sucked BIG BIG BIG time at a few subs.. mainly chinese n maths! Man.. =( O well .. Had a looong talk with tomatoape today!

He bought a phone *finally!* hehe took away his monthly pay though! :( Mmm its okay!! newei.. he's coming down here!! BUT.. not in july but in august.. *sigh* so much fer getting muh hopes high in seeing him soon! =( but I still get to see him~ woohoo~~!! wakaka can't wait.. ;) yep yep and I do miss him ;)

So him2 has been paying extra attention.. taking immediate action after I told him I wanna go watch a couple of movies.. he even booked the tickets n checked with the cinemas.. Man.. I don't know.. :O .. sigh . These few days he's been saying that the way I talk ain't like before nemores, ahhh I don't know what to say man.. :O I know he's up to something, me n friends suspect.. coz the way he's treating me seems as if he knows I'm losing feelings already. =o! maybe its for the better. I know its better for me to come clear off with him bout what I'm feeling at the moment, but its realy hard to do so ;p and I hate confrontations. Man.

2004-06-28T19:01:00.000+08:00

Ooo!! Today's the WORSE day out of all exam days ler! Maths wuz freaking hard and I doubt that I'll be able to make it. And considering the fact that this is indeed my worse ever subject, I have no face to even show muh parents man. Makes me tremble with fear when I think that we're nearing hell each and every day, and my maths is still the same! I guess I only have myself to blame, being so playful and never taking the initiative to learn properly. Ahhh.. *scrowls*.

So today Ivy, Eliane and me were talkin bout that case again .. and damn.. haha Pn. Teoh heard everything!! She was just laughing though .. *phew* but I guess that showed our anger towards that case.. :O . Sigh .. it always happens during exams.. I don't know why.. Perhaps its a mere misunderstanding.. but after so many times, I sincerely doubt so. Mmm .. just hope that everything clears. =) And lou lou didn't come to school again today!!!!! :O .. hehe *girl .. you're hyper! Cool down baby.. *

So he won the tournament yesterday!! :) *cheers!!!* hehe so happy for him! But then i only got to know it today.. He was just so tired den .. ;) * its okie dear.. * at least he took the initiative 2 tell me .. m already happy enough. =) but i'd wish he'd get the fon faster.. ya noe..;O.. sometimes there is a tendecy fer me to want to talk to him but i don't know how can i ever reach him.. =( So.. if he comes down to KL.. *yay* and its during a school week.. Mmmm.. I've got two alternatives. Either to skip school completely ( which is very bad ) or cancel all muh tuitions. Sigh .. just hopes he comes down here !!!!!! Miss him dearly! :( ..

la la la~

2004-06-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

Its 1045am in the morning and I just finished tuition. And I didn't sleep well last nite. :O . I talked to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after what seems like ages anyway. :P he's still very sweet and nice 2 me .. and he kinda asked me a question that kinda got me .. trapped. I don't know.. he was saying something about not talking n he hopes that the feeling will always be there no matter wut happens.. and I confronted him about everything I was insecured with.. he was suprised bout dat and yeah .. hurt. =( . Sorry dear.. Well!! heheh I am soooooooooooo happy to hear from him!!! hehe I know I know.. in the previous posts I've said something bout .. maybe the feelings are drifting away. But guess I was wrong.. I still like this guy here alot! And after talking to him yesterday... I did realise that I really missed him heaps. I was just feeding myself negative thoughts about almost everything.. So what else is new with me being paranoid? Especially when a LDR is concern! =P

So he's in church at the moment being "holy". And the best news I receieved was that he's gonna come down to KL soon!! wooooooooohoooo!! sometime around July though. Thank God its after our 2nd term exams.. he'll probably be here for a week to cast.. ;) Can't wait!!!!!! Even though its just a week.. but still ... =) Hope that lady calls him up to confirm about everything..! :P They wanted a non-chinese guy who could speak and write chinese and he qualified for the role.. woohoo.. :P keke. Even though his chinese is sooo cute and funny.. I mean mine's not all that good either.. but he's is just.. hillarious! :P hahah :P and yeah.. He didn't get the job in MAS. =( =( But its okay .. wakakak he's coming down to kl.. he's coming down to kl .. =p =p.

I talked to dear miyan yesterday.. haha she's hillarious. The best friend one could ever have! =p haha and yeah .. we were talking bout those "EGGS" *ewWWwww* hehehe m alwiz at a really crazy stage and a total nut case when I'm talking to her! :P Yeah she wuz tellin me bout the two men in muh life.. haha and its always through her advise that muh eyes actually open =p. *thanx chiq~!* I'll watch out.. don't u worry bout me k ? I know I'm at a risky stage of getting muh heart broken again *maybe..* but i guess its always through these that i'll learn and HOPEFULLY not make the same mistake twice! or thrice or whatsoever. :P

hehe anyway.. yesterday nite went to eat in Ryu Tsui!!! Wahahaah yum yum!!!!! Duncan paid fer it since it wuz our belated father's day dinner due to Marcus's party last week! :P o0o0 its such good food.. =p And yeah .. DAD is actually giving me warnings.. about not studying and concentrating on my studies.. DAD.. MY DAD.. man .. the one that brought me to this world.. who hardly spends time with me actually said that! For him to say that is well .. I guess I'm getting outta hand! mainly coz I've been spending liek .. these few days on the net doing the blog.. and I actually messed the whole settings out man!!! Thank god I saved the current one in the notepad. *phew* and thanx jamieeeeee!! for giving me the site and loads of tips!! wakaka u rock babe!!! =)

Exams are finishing!!! Woohooo!!!! Can't wait! But sadly I'll be having tuition on weds nite! Dang.. sum sorta accounts replacement.. newei.. went through the questions with my teacher.. hahaahaha m sooo happy!!! wakakaka pretty good I'd say .. woohoo! ;p so far exams are pretty much okay I guess.. =) Hahaha I'm just feeling sooooo good today.. everything's good!!! But I really should get muh ass to study sum sastera already! :O

ahh!

2004-06-25T20:22:00.000+08:00

Hahhaha finally got the music back in muh blog.. :) Okay okay!! the updates!!!!

*cheers* exams are almost finishing! Yay!! So far its still okie.. All the important subjects are over!!! =) But there's still maths! *groans* My very worse subject. Sigh.. =( Oh well! Mmm.. but each and every day is nearing us to hell! Damnn..! So as I was saying.. updatesss!!!

Okay.. He replied. Two messages. Both very sweet. =] The feeling's still there.. but maybe not as much nemores.. and I still miss him! But *doom!* I have a feeling.. that everything was a lie to begin with. I'm not accusing him, I'm just seeking and trying to find out whats the truth and whats not. Mark me if I'm wrong, but I really don't see any point getting involve with a person who doesn't even wanna tell the truth about himself or stuff about himself. Maybe one fine day, he'll tell me everything. =) Possilbility.. A person can dream can't she? :P But thank goodness I'm not too deeply involved. When I knew about his past, I knew this wasn't going to work out. Discussed with friends and all gave me the same answer: No. Some said it was "dangerous to get involved with him".

So I chatted with Miyan dearie yesterday, can't believe she's actually 'supporting' de other. =) Well, Rob's faithful support to him is unconditional as well. Miyan's like ... " Mel, he's itchy! " Itchy by the means of.. ;) hahaaha just a lil' something btw us! =) Newei.. I think she's right. But still... I guess the means of trying to know the truth of everything.. u gotta pay a price. =) But I guess I know where'd I stand .. and what I should do.. * thankx guys.. ya'll are the best!! for the unconditional support and encouragement .. CHEERS!!!!*

Doomed.

2004-06-23T18:35:00.000+08:00

Ahhh.. Looking at the topic, I'd say its a pretty negative thought to start out the day huh? Well! What do u know?! So there were some questions that "came" out frmo the text book. Just knew one or two of them, nothing much. Hope I'll be able to scrape through anyway. Ahh and chinese.. SUCKED big time man. I'll celebrate if I'll be able to pass. I'm serious. I hate that language. Stupid school.. forcing every chinese educated student to take that subject. Argh.. pretty miserable day I'd say. And to think that tomorrow's paper is gonna be Econs!!!!! Man....=(

Anyway.. there are certain conflicts in my group of "friends" in class. Techniques of cheating are being discussed beforehand. Sure, cheating brings you good results, but it doesn't really do much in the long run. and Yeah, I'm actually feeling pretty down... with friends bringing in tiny notes in despite being extremely good in that subject. Oh mark me down, but its every subject. I still haven't gotten over the fact that she copied the whole accounts papers!! Call me naive, call me competitive, I don't care. She's actually one of muh closest friends! Sigh .. this always happens.. there's always some sorta ISSUE going on whenever exams' taking place.

Things with the two guys.. well .. chilling down already. Maybe I should just choose the single life.. ya know.. with no strings attach? Positive gestures and actions are being taken by will.. but.. I don't know. He's asking me out for a movie on Fri, and campfire's on Saturday.. m still undecided whether I should or shouldn't go yet. Ahh whatever it is, I really ought to start on econs!!!!! *dead's man subject*

Mmm.. cheating?! Once more?!

2004-06-21T15:54:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. blessed with ability, blessed with the brains. Why can't people just start doing their own exam questions, instead of earning marks of others? Why can't people start paying attention and get their asses to LEARN instead of COPYING? Well! Today we had accounts and malay essay. Went pleasantly well. =) I'm actually pretty satisfied. Guess hard works pays off huh? =p So, there and then again, those that usually copy homework ends up copying in exams. and yeah, ACCOUNTS for crying out loud! the most tensed one of all times. They have the ability to COPY. man.. :O . Its sickening. They don't do their homework, and man, its against justice if they actually score high marks, but ... by copying. No big deal ? Maybe.. but I guess I'm not really happy with it. But ahh screw it, things happen. =)
Tomorrow's NSW, sej 1 and art. Pretty okay I guess. M sooo tired.. just finished tuition and my eyes feel sooo tired. =( Mmm better go now .. ;p

Omigod!!

2004-06-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

Omigod!!!! he replied me!!!! He's back to normal. Omy Omy!! he's being sweeter den ever.. and his friend has been really busy with family stuff and they haven't seen each other yet. He's also very stress now. =( He's been praying that I still like him he says.. he wants me to keep the feeling. =o . I don't know... One minute its this.. one minute its that... :( .. sigh... Hope the answer will come to me soon. =) And I gotta go study now!!! =)

Thank you guys!

2004-06-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

Ahhh here I am blogging again, in the mids of the evening. Lovely day isn't it? Anyway, things here are pretty much under control. My emotions are clear, and I pretty much know what to do already. Thanx soo much for those who've given me countless advice, I really don't know how to thank ya'll! =)
I really shouldn't come online so often, checking whether if he's sent me any messages. I've got it clear and concise. What I need to do. And yeah, the ticking of the clock was the cruel reminder of the passing of time, time which is clearly nearing to hell= exams AND spm. Of course, not forgetting clearing up him2's problems. =0. I have to tell him the truth. =)
Ah Ling was really funny! Went to her house today; goly gosh, she cheered the hell outta me! with her devious smile and cute actions, who's not to like her? I love her as muh sister man.. even though we're 8 years apart. Peng and Siew Yee asked me to concentrate on muh studies for the time being and stop fooling around. I really oughtta listen to their advices. After all, being straight A students and all rounders pay the price of who they are today, ayt?!
Yea, I'm bummed out with accounts. =) Should be pretty much .. Errr.. okay?? I don't know! I think I'm pretty stable already anyway. At least, I pray so. I really outta get muh ass studying already anyway. And stop fooling around!
Ahh before I forget.. No, its not as if I'm all rights with people writing about me in their blogs. Bad stuff. I didn't know what a bad friend I am. But if telling him the truth about what I think about him back then hurts, it simply isn't my fault. Coz u asked for the truth. Its stupid that once you know the truth, you start ignoring that person. 3 n a half years of friendship all down the drain ? Think before you act man! I know things will never ever be the same again, but at least maintain the friendship between us! But since he's chosen the path of being cold and distant, I have nothing I can do ayt? But I do sincerely wish u the best in life nix.. =) *

They're right.

2004-06-19T11:21:00.000+08:00

"Mel, get over him. He's too perfect. Good looks, stunning personality, great body, sweet mouth... , a guy like this spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. " She's not jealous over him or anything, she's being the girl that i've had continuous trust to seek for advice. She's right. He does spell trouble. Especially when a LDR is involved between us. And she understands me best. Better than anyone else. I need to get over this. Snap me back to reality, I need arrows showing me where am I supposed to go; which path am I supposed to take. But life's not that easy huh? =O. I have to find my own way, upon my will power and discipline... and this may be hard. *sighs*

" Tell him2 the truth. Each and every passing day you can hear the clock ticking away, and if you don't tell him the truth, the hurt will deepened. We guys are humans n we have feelings too "

This all started when I was thinking bout him1. The current relationship we're in. Its tough, having LDRs. You don't know what that person is up to. Trust and faith is the main key to all LDRs. He told me once he's given me the key to his heart, thinking back... I think maybe I've "lost" it.. or he's taken it back. Its upsetting. We're drifting apart, I can't say I'm immuned to it, but I'm really bummed out. Setting hopes in it. A friend once told me that LDRs are very hard to keep track upon, but I still let myself sink in deep. A very stupid mistake I've made. I want to know the answer before moving on. I guess I'm just always like that, I don't care if the truth hurts. Its reality. But I want the honest truth and not lies that will set my hopes up high. I don't care if I get hurt. Feelings comes n goes, its just the part of learning. and accepting. =)

him2 expressed out a lil' of his feelings. And apparently he's been thinking about it alot. *sigh* is this where I'm the one who's got drama in muh life 24/7? Its not funny, its no fun. I hate it when I have to hurt people's feelings. Hau Wen's right.. I should tell him. But I find it weird, cause I never wanna let him2 know about him1. I know its bad, I should be frank, so that no one would get hurt too emotionally. But its me we're talking about. I hate doing that to people. And I hate confrontations. Damn.

Mm.. could someone please stand up and slap me?

2004-06-18T16:12:00.000+08:00

Ahh... I really ought to be studying. The past few papers were so far- OKAY. Haven't really been sleeping these few days and don't know.. things just don't seem right with him. Whats up.. ? I have no idea.. =( He's being cold and awkward. Something's up. And its NOT good. He's not even telling! =( And I miss him. Bad. Still no calls nor messages yet though. Sometimes I do feel that he's hiding something. But I guess every single relationship takes time.. even though we're not officially together or anything. Why m I putting my self up on this? It really shouldn't be this way. I'm waiting patiently and every sms or call that comes in I'll hope its him. Dissapointment ALWAYS sets me there. *sigh* Sometimes i'll think back bout that kiss.. it'll make me laugh. I'm serious. Whether I'm doing muh exams or before I sleep or something, I'll just burst out laughing. Sigh .. Sweet memories huh.. ? i guess it'll always be a memory...

And yeah, I guess I was rather crummy to William yesterday nite.. *sorry!* I know its really bad of me.. He's being extra sweet nowadays, very tolerant with my so-called temper. *sigh* I guess its the tension thats setting everything uptight, and yes, my mood might be affected by Him as well. *sigh..* And it doesn't really help much when I'm listening to the song He dedicated to me last week. =( * Hoobastank's The Reason * Damn.. I guess i'm really nuts over him huh? Its kinda pathetic seeing everything falling outta place after several days. The worse thing is that I can't do anything about it.

Well! Back to everything : P Things in school are going on pretty well .. And yeah, there are pretty much unhappy faces around in my class. U know the feeling where someone says " I don't know how to do-lah! " But their answer papers are filled with answers? Yeah .. those people are.. I don't know. Selfish wouldn't be the word to describe it. Some people just don't find it amusing when one studies their asses for it and the other just scores without touching the book! ( Hahah I guess u can see fury in me, but its not me kay!) And some people are well .. just... idiotic? I don't know. Few close friends of mine are complaining already. Anyway, I guess its just wrong to cheat. It is. Its a sin. A sin whereby I hope I'll be able to change too! >_<
Things in the friends department are going on okay, better than before :) well! =p What do you know?? Sk's getting soooo crazy man. as in seriously Whaccckkyy! She'll laugh all of a sudden. Everyone reckons its very .... *herm* in love? ;p!! hehe most of em are in the high aisle now.. ayt, Lu?!! :P Well all the BESSSSSTTTTTT to u guys man .. ;)) Mel Mel's here to cheer on ya'll!!!!! ;P .

O boy.. Alex's being soooooooooo sweet!! haha nothing's going on =) But yep, he's been downright sweet, ayt? ;p .
Damn. I miss Him. And I want him ! Damn..... :'( Sighhhhh .........

He replied... AGAIN!!! =)

2004-06-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. caffein.. really burns the body wide awake! =) Only slept at 5. Shouldn't have had that drink in coffee bean with them. =o. Anyway, here I am, once again--make that 2 weeks and 3 days FAILING to attend school. Okay. This is BAD. i'm such a BAD student. Playing truant?? Hell No. Mom agreed to let me stay at home PROVIDED I studied. She's threatening me. She wants GOOD results. And.. I might dissapoint her again. =O . I'm just downright playful. :O .

Hahaha anyway, enough of that. Yay!! he replied again!!!!!! =) Haha gives me a tangy tangy feeling.. ;p . haha okay, I'm happy. * so who can't tell ?! * Yay! I miss him soooooooooooooooooo much!! =D! But seriously I can't really share it with the people around me, I mean the girls.. Things with us have.. all drifted apart this year. And its getting from bad to worse. UNFORTUNATELY. We used to be sooo good friends! :O . But guess everything has its own ways and reasons of being like that. Everyone has their own paths to take. But yea, I have to admit that I really miss the times ALL of us spent together. Before .. you know.. things got complicated. I know I was also to be blamed. All of us were. We really didn't take enough initiative in the friendship, and took things for granted. Everyone hates it I can see. We get along OK when we're alone, but not when we're all together in a group. Its kinda sad seeing 5 years of friendship going down the drain. Oh well. But.. maybe it's not late... to patch things up. :O . I hope! Coz this is the last year I'll be in KL anyway. *damn* Of course, Dad's WOW ( Words of Wisdom ) are always ringing in my head. Mmm ... ooo speaking about Daddy-o! Father's Day is just around the corner!!! =) Buying gifts for parents often cause headaches. After all, they usually have everything they want. And buying things for MY dad, is just HARD. Seriously! I'm not allowed to get his competitors stuff, which includes a lot. Pens, Food, Brands... and the list goes on. I guess thats the disadvantage of having a dad that's a businessman. But heck nono. I'm happy and proud to say that dad's a GREAT guy. Aw, Come On! He's MY Dad. If there's one thing I would NEVER want to do to him, is hurt him and put down all the hopes he had in me. Its tough- Dad's a perfectionist. I guess I do have a lot of qualities coming from my dad, from physical appearance to emotions to actions. Everything we do is almost alike! And relatives often say I'm a photostated copy of my dad :p Anyway, back to the topic. The present. Well! we usually fall back on practical things, whether its a tie, a wallet, a new shirt, a belt or even just a dinner at a swanky restaurant. AND buying dad a wallet is a total no-no. He's fussy, * o yes he is!* and he arleady bought his with mom the other day. And just NO WAY can i afford that wallet. Anyway, this year around, I settled for a tie. a PGA tour Tie. and i've given it to him. ahaha and he LOVES it. =P. Of course, dinner's gonna be provided and paid by Dun on Saturday Night! =P Hope he enjoys it.. coz Dad just simply deserves the best! And yes, I still haven't made up my made over what I should study. And this is disappointing dad BIG TIME. :( Maybe I'll do Commerce.. or maybe I'll do Law. Ahhh .. decisions, decisions, decisions! *sigh....~*

And yes, BABA is being sooo sweet.. putting up that nick .. Just for ME! *touched*! haha yep, I know I can do it. Just have faith and confidence in me baby .. ;p And Shar Shar.. you're going nuts. As in seriously NUTS. Why are you putting up the same name as meeeeee!! haha I know u love me and you adore me .. but ain't this just ... Too Much ?!

O dear.. W just messaged. He's on holidays fer a solid month. And I guess after that paticular wrong message incident, I have to say that he's trying a BIT more harder to get my attention now. But what do you know? A girl's patience has its limits. Not everytime THEY can take things for granted. ( I agree with u rob! ) And yea, he's just telling me, or rather, reminding me to study and don't let him catch me sleeping or doing something.. extraordinary. :P and he ends it in the sweet manner. Again. When is this going to end? :O .

Disgusted!

2004-06-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

Dinner in Yi Garden was fantastic as usual. So was the price. Duncan paid for it though. Ahh, located in Bangsar Shopping Centre.. and I've actually went there for like .. 3 times this week! Anyway, this place still sends creeps up to my spine whenever i get to the parking area. Of course... everyone knows WHY and WHAT happened. The brutally raped and charcoaled burnt Canny Ong case. *brrrrr!* Everyday, without fail, newspaper articles would show about raping cases, murder cases.. and that long list of unconditioned and immoral news. This world IS a screwed-up place to be and while i always naively thought that we, as humans would get better, learning from the mistakes of our fellow homosapiens( Is that how u spell it?! ) can make the world a decent place to be lived in. But hell.. I'm still wrong... there's been so much things happening in this world. What's actually right and what's actually wrong? Thinking back from last year till this.. Da Canny Ong case, and those rapist escaping and of coz the tragedy of Nurul--da ten year ol' girl.. I just dun know what kind of men would take advantage of a lil' 10 year ol and totally violate, terrorise and brutalise her so badly that she eventually died. While psychologists declared oh so cleverly that those people are sexual deviants, like how the hell we don't know? =o!!! For them to rape a lil' kiddo! People start blaming all sorts of factors. Drugs, parents, and oh all sorta things. Of course, not forgetting the oh " Decent Outfit! " that mom, Jon, and Dun always asks me to wear, like hello! There are countless cases where the victims are MALAY... where they have to cover themselves up from head to toe! How can they even harp on sexiness as an issue?! Okay.. maybe.. Maybe being sexually covered with lil' pieces of clothings aroused men up.. so what?! They can't entirely blame "Decent" outfits as a factor that will NOT bring up the issue of raping! Hellow! But what is this world coming to be? Are there men or any human that we can actually trust? All these deaths are indeed a tragic that even Badawi himself expressed his disgust, bringing on changes in legislature to bring on harsher punishments for rapist and paedophilles. That's the way. It's definately a horrible world out there, and i really hope that all the people do rethink before understanding the consequences of binging an innocent living being into this cruel, horrible and ugly world. Hell.. This sucks. These deviants should actually be punished to the extend of being castrated right out from their nutty wits! What is this world bring upto? Countless paedophilles? Countless raping cases? Authorities should check what the hell is wrong with them! And to think they are FORCING us to study MORAL in school. Useless subject that is! Anyway, I better go n study. The alarm just triggered! Apparently someone's messing with the guest room's alarm .. probably those " long lost relatives " of mine that arrived here today. Have never even met them before for my 17 years of life. ;o.

Yes! A reply from muh babeh!! =)

2004-06-15T19:00:00.000+08:00

O yesss..~! Finally.. a reply that I've been waiting from him has finally arrived. =) Can't believe i'm actually feeling like this. I'm glad that he msged me back. Yeah but with bad news though. His friend is STILL in Penang. And he won't be back yet. only AFTER 2 days LATER. AND he'll text or call me straight away when his friend LETS him. So .. make it a total of 48 hours +? Damn. And I'll be having muh exams. Whutta case of LOVE SICK this is! =( Imagine.. when he's down here as well.. haha this is probably gonna be the first and I hope the LAST case that I'm so crazy over a guy . Man .. I miss him.

Fury. Anger. Within Myself.

2004-06-15T15:22:00.000+08:00

I feel anger. Deep within myself. The past few days has been just lazing around in these glorious so-called-holidays. Its stupid to see us working hard on exams when people are happily shopping, going out, oh whatever. The mood's just so not in now. =( My mood's not in where its supposed to be. I really should be studying my ass now as exams are just a mere 2 days away. But here I am, blogging up again. Went into my old blog and saw that so many stuff were written there and what's the point of starting a new one when the old one's just as good? Okay. I'm just crapping here. I'm sore. Man. Life's just being ironic! =( I miss just about everything in my life. And Damnit. I miss Him. Ugh .. When is he going to get back that damned phone! =(

Dropping the Bomb of LoveEe.

2004-06-15T10:03:00.000+08:00

There are definitely moments in life where I wished I could have another chance--Whether its just friends, results, love... Oh practically everything! Well. in my case.. if i could have the chance, I'd change back a lot of things too. Revealing to HIM a secret from my past.. was a wrong step. Yeah, and I miss him. Terribly. Its been 5 days and still counting, and yet no messages, no calls. Sigh-- Why am I even putting myself up to this? But I guess I can't blame him entirely nor myself when he doesn't even have a Handphone to start off with! ;( But one thing I realised about us, is that he's taking a step way toooooo fast in this "relationship" huh ?! .. Uttering those 3 sweet words, sweet thoughts and actions that could seriously melt anyone's heart. These proceedings to the next level with finality usually take like .. ages. To work tentatively towards the next steps of declaration. Haha I guess i'm just a Sucker Up to sweet words ayt? Which is, pretty bad. Man.. I hope he gets the job and comes down to KL! Sigh .. but THAT could seriously cause havoc all over. As Hau Wen ( dear philosopher! ) told me, the balls are in my court. Which is, definitely very true and accurate. I mean, W on the other hand is well .. I don't know. Everyone seems to be supporting F. ;) Well, except Rob! ;P But I do thank all of em dearly.. for giving me their opinions AND the courage to go through this. :) Man.. I miss Him. This sucks. I don't wanna lose control over myself, but it definitely seems so. Damnit. Haha but for starters he's pretty egoistic as well! :P ehehe but I love that part of him I guess. They reckon I'm nuts over him. Yeah, I am. And this is So NOT good. I should just.. Get a Grip of myself. Man. =(
And mom just called! Verbally assaulting me for not studying. Ahh.. I just don't have the mood to do so. But it kinda sends fear up to my spine, when i think about my friends studying and aiming endlessly for high scores. SPM is just around the corner *shudders* and I'm still fooling around. Messing with my feelings and just feeling.. messed up. Guess the timing just isn't right ayt?! :( Damn.

Studying? At home ?! hahaha

2004-06-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

My alarm clock, which usually interrupts my slumber at 6, has been silent... for 2 weeks and a day.
Without that monster, I've been able to sleep for several hours longer *bliss* in the herm... " morning ". Ahhh.. no more walking around like a zombie, no more cursing my inability to fall asleep at night. And Yes, I did not go to school today. Well! Look at the Title of this Blog.. and you'll understand. Hahaha.. what a joke. Yea well .. I've been studying. A bit. A lil' bit of science. ;)
Anyway.. talking back about my school holidays... well .. its definitely a time of reprieve for me. No more teachers, no more homework, no more grumpy faces, no more pens n pencils. Ahh.. ;)luxury of just staying at home doing nothing was what everyone probably wanted of a holiday. Well! What do you know? We CHS-rians have been stuck at home.. trying to flip through the thick pages of those revision books, as our exam started on the 17th. The first week of holiday was all play, going out, and onlining. And Yes, a lot of things has happened. And I do thank God for those that has helped me with it. Ya' noe.. the late nights of texting, of talking, and advices! Heavens me, friends like them are worth a lifetime. =) I do thank god that i've got em as friends man. They know who they are. And yea.. had a chit-chat with Wan Wen yesterday, she did tell me that she thought my case was extremely dangerous. Yeah it is.. and i'm practically risking on it. What is this man! :O . I so hate it.. when I don't have control over myself and my emotions. Damn.